A bride just asked me, "... are we supposed to pay to get our guests to our destination wedding, and pay for their lodging? We wanted a Destination Wedding so that we could have a smaller guest list and could spend a bit more for food, and entertainment and such. But if we have to pay for airline tickets and hotel rooms maybe we should just get married at the local country club. My aunt wants us to fly her and her kids in a couple days early and put them up in a resort so they can make a vacation of it, do I have to pay for her whole trip?"

My Dear, has your aunt always been so presumptuous?

When you invite guests to your wedding, you are inviting them to a special occasion celebration; not providing a free vacation for everyone who wants to come. (Can you imagine the effect this would have on your number of RSVPs?)

It is for your guests to determine whether or not they have the time and wherewithall to attend your nuptials, or if they wish to merely send their best wishes (and possibly a gift). The only exception would be if you have a close family member or a special friend you really want to be in attendance (or an attendant) who absolutely cannot afford to attend without your financial assistance. Then it's a nice gesture, IF you can afford it, to offer to pay their way, and/or arrange for lodgings.

Remember, a wedding reception is traditionally given to "allow" guests to attend to extend their best wishes and GIFT goods to the new couple to begin their life together. It is not a forfeit you pay if you want to get married, and certainly not an obligation to family and friends to cover their personal expenses should they wish to attend.

Explain to your aunt (and her eight kids) that if she'd rather save for a family vacation than attend your wedding you will most certainly understand.

Keep calm, and carry on.....

A bride recently asked, "How do I make sure no one brings children to my wedding; I don't want my special moments interrupted by children and their noise. But my aunt says if she can't bring her children she is NOT coming!"

My Dear... in a perfect world you would merely NOT include their names (or the phrase "and family" on the invitation. However, in our imperfect society many who breed feel their progeny should be embraced and exalted by the world; and express disbelief that their little darlings should be excluded from ANY gathering.

So in order to insure that YOUR wishes (and it IS all about the bride) and not those of the doting parents are met, you will have to be firm on several fronts.

In addition to excluding such phrases as, "and family" or "and guest" from invitations to anyone with children, you will have to begin a marketing campaign to both family and friends so that NO ONE can possibly act surprised that children are not warmly welcomed to attend.

But you absolutely CANNOT include "no children" on your invitation; or the etiquette police will be at your door immediately! Nor can you include just the children you enjoy; both would be terribly non PC.

Some successful adults only wedding campaigns include statements such as...

"My wedding is planned as a solemn and religious ceremony, followed by a formal evening  of cocktails and dinner with no activities, refreshments, or other accommodations being made for children; I know everyone will understand".

 Or....
"Due to our wedding budget, we have a limited guest list. We'd hate to have to exclude our friends and family with children in order to keep the numbers down."

Or, my personal favorite:
"While children will not be permitted to attend the ceremony or reception activities, childcare at the venue CAN be arranged by contacting: insert professional event sitter's information here." When they contact the sitter, they will be informed of the per child cost for the evening!
And no, you are not responsible for the cost of babysitting uninvited guests.

If you feel you MUST allow children to attend, due to aunts and other relatives like the one mentioned earlier, please try to arrange for some child friendly activities and refreshments that will keep the munchkins happy, and quiet, so your memories of your wedding day are not peppered with junior licking the wedding cake, or sissy wailing during your ceremony.

And if your no children policy on your special day has certain individuals boycotting your nuptials, that's their breech of etiquette, not yours.

Keep calm, and carry on.

A bride asked me "What do I tell my caterer? It's two weeks before my wedding and I don't have half my RSVP's back! Now some people are telling me they will "try" to come, my family tells me for sure certain relatives ARE coming, and friends tell me mutual friends are planning to be there. But none of these have RSVP'd! And NOW some that have RSVP'd are telling me they're not sure if they will come. I don't know if I'm going to have eighty guests or a hundred and twenty five guests! I don't want to run out of food, but I don't want to pay for forty-five people that don't show up, either. What do I do?

My dear, it always amazes me the number of people that don't understand what RSVP means. Besides Repondez s'il vous plait en francais, (respond if you please for those of you who took spanish instead of french in high school) it simply means-

I've got to KNOW if you are coming!

The guests that haven't responded are seriously in danger of being hunted down by the Etiquette Police; it's not a little league game you're inviting them to, but a formal affair costing mega bucks per head.

Of course you need to know exactly who is coming; there are headcounts that must be given to the caterer (and if your guests are lucky, the bartender) as well as rentals, seating arrangements, and all the other minutia that make brides crazy.

Thanks to the internet, your solution is simple; simply send an email to everyone on your guest list. Say, if you've RSVP'd that you are coming, we are so looking forward to sharing our special day with you. If you have NOT yet RSVP'd, and don't do so immediately we'll miss you, as I have to give my caterer (and liquor supplier) a headcount in the morning.
Thanking you all for your prompt attention, and kind wishes,
The princess and her prince, soon to be The Bride and Groom.

By noon the next day you'll have a headcount you can go with.

Keep calm, and carry on.

Wedding questions answered!

So many brides, and so many questions! And I just happen to have all the answers! Why, you say? Because I'm the Queen, that's why! I've helped over 250 princesses marry their true love at my castle, combine that with my multiple marriages and I have probably experienced ANY wedding related problem you can come up with. So ask away, and I'll choose one question a day to answer on my blog. I've got the advice from all the most respected sources of etiquette at my fingertips if I'm not absolutely positive I am right.
So ask your questions, .......keep calm, and carry on.